Week One is Almost Done!

Starting to exercise again after a long hiatus has not been easy, though not necessarily difficult. Sore, though. :0)

This week has not been a bad exercise routine - basically it has been a prep week for week 3. Basically 4 days of moderate walking for 20 minutes, and then 3 days of moderate walking for 30 minutes. I really felt it the first day, but today was very good! I have got to start doing pilates and yoga a couple of times a week in addition, though - I'm very stiff, which I normally get if I'm not doing any sort of cross-training, which I'm not at this stage!

The hardest part has been pacing myself - I want to do more, but I know I'm a bit obsessive sometimes, and I want to be able to build up my endurance so this becomes a lasting thing. I also struggle with shin splints, so I'm trying to be proactive to prevent it. The extra 80 pounds I need to lose didn't come on overnight, and neither will it come off that fast!

The emotional pondering have hit me hard though - my walking time is a very reflective time for me, and I see many ways how where I am at spiritually parallel where I am with my weight. This past year and half has been, overall, a very dark time for me. Going through the emotionally havoc of having a baby, then grieving our kids at Calvary Home as we moved to Georgia... I remember crying months later that I just wanted to go "home". Jonathan gentle reprimanded me that home is where our family is, and that was just it - my kids there were part of our family and part of my heart had been ripped out. I could not heal it. Then as things just did not work with Jonathan being a SAHD for his well being, and I could not handle working full time because of the sacrifices I had to make against my family; to say we both struggled with depression during that time is too simple of statement.

I have sensed that this period in our lives, in my life personally, is coming into a healing time, and slowly but surely, I see myself taking slow steps back to God - not necessarily to where I was, but to where He has planned for me and our family. I'm not sure where or what that is, but old desires and passions that He initially planted in my heart are slowly coming back to the surface again. In the meantime, I am trying to simply just be obedient to Him, in all areas!